Gordon Smith: Moderate?! Bipartisan?!

June 25, 2008 at 2:08 pm (Uncategorized)

Oh God, here we go again – another chance to unseat Sen. Gordon Smith, another chance for Oregon Democrats to blow it. Now, just between you and me, I think Smith won the general election at the same moment Steve Novick lost the nomination. Jeff Merkley is a progressive and all – he’s signed on to the Responsible Plan to End the War in Iraq, which pleases me greatly – and I’m sure he would be a damn sight better than Smith (60 seat majority, y’all!) but Merkley ran one of the most pathetic campaigns I’ve ever seen — and ol’ Gordon is pulling out all the stops this year.

So far, Gordon Smith has run a green-background enviro-pandering ad proclaiming how moderate and bipartisan he is, ads featuring prominent OR Democrats (Elizabeth Furse and Avel Gordly) proclaiming how moderate and bipartisan he is, and now an ad where he quotes a press release from Obama’s website as proof that even Obama knows how moderate and bipartisan Smith is. A few observations about this race:

  • The NRSC internal polling must show Obama running much stronger in Oregon than any of the publicly released polls do (last I saw was Obama +3) if Smith – a natural McCain ally – is all but endorsing Obama this early in the election
  • Avel Gordly and Elizabeth Furse have a special place in Democrat hell reserved for them, pulling a stunt like this. I wonder what Merkley did to them when he was Speaker of the OR House?
  • Did I mention just how much I miss Steve Novick? Because oh my God, he would be handing Smith’s ass to him right now – but I haven’t heard a single peep out of Merkley since the primary ended.
  • Gordon Smith must have money coming in by the yachtful this year to be saturating the airwaves this early in the season – he’s running these ads practically 24/7 on every major cable channel. I mean, I saw three of ’em just during Olbermann just last night.
  • I notice that Gordon Smith is teaming up with John Kerry on legislation to end the HIV travel ban. Is he specifically pandering to Andrew Sullivan readers or just trying to shore up those oh-so moderate, bipartisan credentials?
  • Possibly worst of all, Jeff Merkley appears to be afflicted with Howard Dean Lip Syndrome (HDLS). The main symptom: every time you talk, it looks like your lips are two separate entities wrestling with each other. It’s sort of cute when Dean does it because he is usually ready to explode with righteous anger by the time he has to go on TV and say something, so his hyperactive lips seem to make sense as a coping mechanism – but HDLS just makes Merkley look like a wuss.

I haven’t seen much Senate polling yet this year, but I would be absolutely shocked if Smith wasn’t leading by at least 5-10 points. Merkley got a big break when John Frohnmayer (kind of like the Nader of OR politics – the kind of guy who would write “a musical comedy on art, freedom of speech, tolerance, and gov’t censorship of the NEA”) dropped his independent bid, but even with that lucky turn of events, so far I’ve seen absolutely nothing to suggest that Merkley has what it takes to unseat Smith. It might help if he could just get one goddamned ad up on TV refuting Smith’s “moderate, bipartisan” claims. But no, it looks like another year for OR Dems to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, as they say.

Sigh. At least this all means that Steve Novick can run for Governor in 2010.

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August 24, 2006 at 6:33 pm (Uncategorized)


Um, I mean, hooray for new Mountain Goats! Aside from making this new album (which is called Get Lonely and is pretty goddamned good), the second awesomest thing John Darnielle has done lately (to my knowledge) was to tell some dude who works for Pitchfork that he “hopes his girlfriend leaves him“. You and me both, sweetheart. I can only hope that he added “you pretentious fuck” to the end of that sentence, but I guess not everyone is perfect.

In other news, I don’t think anyone even has this on a blogroll anymore so I am free to do as I please. Hooray! Fuck y’all! I mean, unless this is showing up on BLT or something, in which case y’all do not actually have to get fucked – I was just kidding! You know me, always kidding about how you can go fuck yourself! However, tomorrow may have to be an honorary Fuck You Friday – several people in my department (at work) are on vacation, so it’s really been Fuck You Friday all week, but tomorrow promises to be particularly unpleasant. All kinds of bitches all up in my grill. It’s cool though. The bridgie abides.

Otherwise, I’ve been busy helping my mom get ready to move and hanging out with her and all, and I have also been watching hellacious amounts of profoundly terrible television. Let’s see, the other day I watched an episode of MacGyver in which he has a deaf lady-friend who is also a teacher. This teacher (who I believe also falls into the category of Lady Whom MacGyver Would Not Mind Boning) has a dream about herself and MacG in some HORRIBLE TROUBLE!!!!! They are being chased by lightning and men on horses with white flowing gowns and they find a metal skeleton and … well, y’know, it’s a dream. But it’s also MacGyver, because by the end of the 1-hour show, they have (somehow – it’s still unclear to me) managed to use the “symbolism” in the random deaf-teacher-woman’s dream to track down an international arms smuggler who had been busy stealing tiny bits of weapons from all over the country in order to put them together into One Big Weapon. If only it wasn’t for that deaf lady, they would have gotten away with it and sold the Weapon to sleazy French peoples! But then at the end, once MacGyver and his hot deaf lady teacher friend are out of harm’s way, MacGyver pays a visit to the lady’s classroom and, with the aid of some seriously sketchy machinery, SOMEhow enables a deaf child to hear for the first time. At which point the child, not having spoken a word in her life, speaks her first words: “THANK YOU MACGYVER!”

Now that is some inspiring shit.

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So um…

August 20, 2006 at 9:22 am (Domestic)

It’s been awhile. But I’ve been busy! I swear! Will and I moved into a sweet place at the foot of Mt Tabor (with an ass-kicking view that I would totally share if I had a digital camera), we went to Will’s brother’s wedding in Ashland, blah blah blah, and I still don’t have anything to say. It’s amazing how boring I can feel and yet be so busy. But I guess a lot of my busyness (because it’s not business, bitches) is shit like emptying the cat litter or loading the dishwasher – things that are occasionally funny, but not often, and when they are funny it’s usually because something fantastically unpleasant happened to me that I likely wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with the world.

Loving the place, though. It’s great to have some space and to be able to put things like this up on my bathroom wall. We are still getting all of our crap out of boxes but we’re almost there and that is … well, better than not-there, right?

We also signed up for some ridiculous cable with DVR, so needless to say, we’ve been watching way too much TV lately. However, it hasn’t been all bad. Brendon Small (from Home Movies [!!!!]) has a new show on Adult Swim called Metalocalypse which is pretty funny. Mostly though it is awesome because it features more of the guitar stylings of Mr. Small, which I always enjoyed immensely when Scab saw fit to perform rock operas and whatnot on Home Movies. Good times. I only wish H. Jon Benjamin (McGuirk) was involved.

I will try to have something more interesting to say next time.

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Seven Jeopardy! categories

March 17, 2006 at 12:37 pm (Uncategorized)

It’s been awhile since I’ve done this, so for my own amusement, here are my current dream Jeopardy! categories:

  1. Twin Peaks
  2. Homeowners with hilarious names
  3. Mountain Goats lyrics
  4. The works of David Foster Wallace
  5. My fucked-up family
  6. People on Metafilter who irritate me
  7. Failed organizational schemes

In other news, we finished Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me last night and so I have now seen all the Twin Peaks there is to see. I am currently ruminating about the whole series and will probably make some long, vaguely comprehensible post about What Twin Peaks Means and How I Think It Ends that I heartily encourage you to skip when the time comes. In the meantime, my analysis ends at “What the fuck was that?! What just happened?!?!”

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I know who killed Laura Palmer

March 13, 2006 at 12:21 pm (Uncategorized)

Ahh, sweet relief! The people who have been hoarding all the Twin Peaks tapes finally returned them and now I know for sure who killed Laura Palmer. However, I don’t know for sure how they’re going to keep this series going without that mystery. Hopefully it continues to be engaging (if by “engaging” I mean “compulsively addictive”). Also, I hope someone murders James The Walking Fetus in an incredibly violent way. Now that would keep me watching.

In other news, Bush continues to scare the ever-living crap out of me with stuff like this. The link goes to his executive order creating a Center for Faith-Based and Community Initiatives at the Department of Homeland Security. One of the objectives for this “center” is to locate and get rid of any obstacles to the wholesale integration of church and state. Or at least that’s how I read it. Scary stuff – he did it in the thick of the Dubai ports controversy, which leads me to believe the whole thing was a damn smokescreen so that the New York Times et al. wouldn’t even notice that this went through. My favorite comment from the Metafilter thread:”You guys just don’t remember the part of the gospels where Jesus ran around organizing charities based on Roman donations, and gave himself and his apostles healthy six-figure salaries. ” (courtesy of bardic)

Apparently “faith” is a large part of our plan to keep America secure. I feel so much safer now.
I just can’t wait to see what his next two years in office will bring!

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The greatest band ever…

March 10, 2006 at 12:33 pm (Uncategorized)

… would be if The Doors reformed again and replaced the late Jim Morrison with Geddy Lee from Rush. And by “greatest” I clearly mean “most hilarious”. “The End” would make a particularly … um, striking performance.

I am currently just ridiculously obsessed with Twin Peaks right now. I have watched up to episode 14, but the second season doesn’t appear to be available on DVD (at least not from Netflix) and while Movie Madness, the best video store in all the world as far as I am concerned, has two copies of the next tape I need, both of them are at least two days overdue. O lord, please make those layabouts return their tapes so that I may find out who killed Laura Palmer. Please. I beg you. Otherwise I will go to their houses and bang on their doors, screaming “WHO THE HELL KILLED LAURA PALMER? TELL ME NOW!”, because I am a total spaz.

Actually, watching Twin Peaks reminds me of this David Foster Wallace essay in Consider the Lobster about David Lynch. The piece is about Lost Highway, and apparently a complete shortage of appropriate adjectives drives the esteemed DFW to coin the term “Lynchian”, which just pissed me off to no end when I read the essay. I mean, come on, you’re a goddamned writer, come up with some real adjectives already. Start with “creepy” if you have to, but give me a break, “Lynchian”? But after I started Twin Peaks, I realized that I was saying the word “creepy” about twenty times a minute just trying to describe the plot, much less the cinematography or mise-en-scene or whatever crap you want to call it. So now I have come to an understanding with my beloved DFW; I finally understand his reasons for coining such a lazy term and can completely forgive him for it. Especially if it means I get to exclaim, with absolutely no irony whatsoever, “OH MY GOD THAT IS THE MOST LYNCHIAN SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!”.

On another note, my birthday is coming up next Sunday. I’m going to be 23. It seems like a decent age to be. For some reason, odd numbers always sound younger than even numbers, so I feel it’s a fair trade off. But really, nothing after 21 seems like a big deal at all. I mean, 21 was one step closer to death by alcohol poisoning; 23 is just one step closer to plain old boring regular death. I guess at least when I turn 25, I’ll be one step closer to fiery death in a rental car. That’s something to look forward to.

Which reminds me, since I have so many linguistics nerds hangin’ around here, is it okay to end sentences with prepositions yet? Because man, I just couldn’t say “that’s something to which I can look forward”; that completely sucks. I think I heard somewhere that it was okay now, but it still makes me nervous whenever I notice that I have no choice but to end a sentence in a preposition. These are, in fact, the things that keep me up at night. Laura Palmer and prepositions.
Well, actually, there’s a whole lot more keeping me up at night these days, but that’s a story for a more password-requiring post.

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March 7, 2006 at 12:41 pm (Uncategorized)

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A new home

March 7, 2006 at 12:38 pm (General)

I think I am going to move my blog setup over here, since a) they provide password protection (which I feel I really want these days), b) there are no ads, and c) eh, mostly the password protection.

If you want a password let me know. I won’t give you one if you are related to me, but the rest of y’all are welcome to comment and let me know that you would like to see what ridiculous things i have to say, and I will hit you back with a password. Wait… can I use “y’all” to refer to a sum total of three people?

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